PARENTS, CHILDREN, LOVE AND RISK

The nature parade goes on here in Iowa. This morning walking through the grounds, at the edge of the woods, were two Does and three tiny little Fawns. It was a delightful sight and the way the Does were so attentive to the fawns and nervously watched for any threats to their young ones was most touching. It set me thinking about our families and children in particular, in this modern age.

The Doe has to protect her fawns but also seems to be well aware when that time arrives when they need to fend more for themselves, although she is still close by. She knows unless they learn this, when the time comes that they really are on their own, they would not be able to survive. With us humans it seems these days we have forgotten that this applies equally to us and our children. I suspect we have become a mite too protective and want to shelter them from any risk. Even in the local parks where as a child, I was allowed to go by myself or in the company of brothers, sisters or friends, we fear accident or attack so much that we only allow them to go when accompanied, or even not at all..

I realise our fears seem reasonable but we seem to have forgotten ALL fear tends to attract the very thing feared. Children need to be given the opportunity to experience adventure as early in their lives as possible and unless they are, they grow up unprepared for the dangers and risks they will be exposed to as adults. Of course they may be hurt if they are not protected all the time but getting hurt is the way of learning. Protect too much and the lesson is missed at significant cost later. Accompanying our over-protectiveness is an absence of social responsibility. People are afraid to speak sharply even, to youngsters misbehaving because they may run to the police and accuse the adult of some kind of abuse. Children who misbehaved in public in earlier generations would not dare to tell the police or their parents of an adult speaking sharply to them because they knew they would be punished by their parents. It appears that shutting ourselves away in personal transport like cars and the growth in government interference in the lives of ordinary people, has given a sharp push to this social disengagement. It seems that everything that goes wrong is somehow “their” responsibility not ours.

Perhaps we need to revisit the whole question of risk, exposure to it and the need to blame somebody for accidents. It is impossible to make life risk-free and equally some accidents happen either due to the fault of those affected or due to no-ones negligence and blame cannot and should not be apportioned. What is clear is that in seeking such all-round protection, we have created a monster that is out of control and which we seem powerless to stop. We are never powerless, are collectively responsible for the present situation and also for taking corrective action. Our children are so dear to us I know but we are charged as adults, with responsibility to train them to become responsible adults in their turn and to prepare them to face life’s challenges. Instead we leave them unprepared by building fences around them and pass on to them all the fear that leads us to do this in the first place. Love is the legacy we should leave our children and true love eschews fear, is realistic and appreciates the need for low levels of risk taking now to avoid large problems in the future.