Yearning

Another of my poems. I hope it makes you think.

Lionel

Hoping, wishing, longing, yearning.
Always wanting something new,
First to be older I was burning,
Thinking age would bring me through
The fears of youthful angst.

Next were the pains of adolescence,
The source of wanting change.
Hormones racing; all my essence
Seemed in ferment ‘cross the range.
Will I ever be loved for me?

The tests it seemed would never end,
My tongue was tied when girls appeared.
My parents seemed my will to bend,
Awkward was I and gauche. I feared
I’d always be alone.

One day with finals passed and done,
Came the answer to my prayer.
Tall, slender, dark and full of fun,
She smiled as I caressed her hair,
“Oh yes I’ll be your wife.”

My world was suddenly alight,
No obstacle could daunt me now.
Imagination took a flight,
No worried frown e’er crossed my brow.
This was love and power.

Work came easy, promotion quick,
Yet I wasn’t satisfied.
Patience urged just made me sick,
Then my love took ill and died.
Killing my urge to win

Prostrate, filled with bitter grief,
I turned away from light and life.
I felt that God was like a thief,
Who bore away my lovely wife.
In depth I hated Him.

I sold the house and moved away,
Thinking thus to start anew.
Where she’d been I could not stay,
The pain of loss just grew and grew.
I know I was a fool.

Running away is never wise,
You do not lose what’s kept inside.
The former you will not arise,
While negatives in you abide.
Help! Where do I turn?

I was desperate, lonely, sad,
I truly plumbed the deep.
I had no hope to make me glad,
No spark or fire – I couldn’t weep.
Then I a saw the light.

It came as I was lying still,
A bright celestial fire,
Brilliant, pure, it seemed to fill
My soul and lift it higher.
Inside I saw her face.

She smiled and said “I’m here my love,”
Don’t be so sad and miss me,
I’m always there, just up above,
And in your dreams you’ll kiss me.
I did not understand.

“I still live on and love you more
Than when I was on Earth.
When you’re not sad then we can soar
And together feel rebirth.
I think I understand.

We talked and laughed; we had such fun,
After saying, “I love you so,”
She said, “This please think upon,
I died when t’was time to go.”
It’s clearer now I think.

“We are eternal, no-one dies,
Believe it, I show it’s true.
Materialism’s misleading lies,
The Spirit is driving you.”
Now I understand.

She told me I must work with love,
And never for money alone,
Then would I be blessed above,
Nor ever be left alone.
That is sound advice.

To know that we can never die,
Is comfort beyond belief.
To realise that you and I
Are eternal, banishes grief.
Truth will set you free.

Now I yearn to teach my brothers,
In town, in city, in gaol,
Forget the self, love all the others.
It’s not easy we often fail.
That’s the way we grow.

Again my driving force is love,
But not love of self anymore.
The power I feel comes from above,
It follows natural law
And opens up my soul.

Friends when you feel that you have lost,
You’re frequently the winner.
Take heart, He never counts the cost,
To Him, you are no sinner.
It tells me God is love.

If we always try to serve aright,
Our sister and our brother,
We will find that love is light,
That wisdom will uncover
All life’s simplicity.

The selfless love which feels so right,
To wisdom pays its fees.
Whilst love is surely purest light,
It’s by wisdom that it sees.
It shows me love is blind.

© Lionel Owen 2009