As I Gaze . . .

A little story today:


As I gaze out to sea from this beautiful sandy beach, where the sun shines bright and warm and the rollers constant rumble lulls my thoughts, I feel sad and troubled for all is not well in my life. Idly, I wonder if another person, just like me, on the other side of the Atlantic, is doing just the same. I search the distant horizon where the oh-so-blue sky meets the curvature of the earth, where here and there, a smudge of smoke betrays the hidden presence of a ship. Can he or she see that same smudge of smoke? Is he or she wondering about me? A frigate bird lazily strokes the air with his huge wings and wish I was up there with him, for then I should be able to head towards that distant shore and find out for certain.

My mind strays to stories I have heard that after we die and return to our true homes in the spiritual world, it is only necessary to think about another place to find that one is there. How I wish at this moment I could do just that and find myself on that distant eastern beach. Perhaps it is not sandy like here. There may be pebbles everywhere and rocky pools where little fish and tiny crabs dart here and there, in blissful ignorance of their exposure to birds and little boys. There may be steep cliffs in the background crowded with screaming sea birds, because it is far from human habitation. Perhaps only one, lonely figure lingers there, sitting on a flat rock gazing out to sea just as I am.

Why so alone and so far from other humans? It seems to be a man but I cannot tell yet if he is just alone, enjoying the peace and tranquillity of this isolated spot, or if he is lonely. Maybe he is sad and missing the presence of one with whom, in the past, he has been able to share this scene. What happened to her I wonder, for I feel it must be a woman? Did she succumb to some dreadful disease and pass away after much suffering, with my friend (for now I consider him such) sitting patiently at her side in frustrated agony, holding her hand and watching her suffer? Did she perhaps pass away in an accident, quickly and without pain? Maybe she is not dead at all? Perhaps instead they had a quarrel and just had to part from one another? Or yet again, she may have been called away to visit a sick or dying relative. Who knows and is it my business anyway?

With these thoughts my vision seems to sharpen and I see my new friend clearly now; his head sunk on his breast and his eyes filled with tears. He is lonely. He cries out to the wheeling sea birds,

“Why! Why are you still free to enjoy your life, while mine is over? Where is the justice that one so young and beautiful had to be taken away just when she was beginning to enjoy her life?”

“Never again will I gaze into those beautiful green eyes, nor hear her tinkling laughter or feel the gentle touch of her fingers on my arm. Her light has gone from the world and I am left in bitter darkness with my memories. Why, God? You are supposed to be good and now two lives have been blighted, hers and mine. You could have prevented it. Why didn’t you?”

With that he raised his hands to his face and burst out sobbing. After a while he stood up, raised both fists to the sky and shouted at the top of his voice,
“You have ruined my life! There is nothing left for me. If You are so wonderful, tell me why I shouldn’t end it all by walking into the sea right now!” With that his head dropped to his breast once more.

I watched in horror, afraid I was going to see him do just that, when suddenly a miracle! Gasping he jerked his head up, looked out to sea again and as I followed his gaze, saw a figure coming towards him, skimming the waves. Dressed all in white with golden hair tumbling around her shoulders, she looked like an angel. She spoke to him:

“My love, yes, it really is me; I am not lost. I am still by your side, please don’t be sad. I know you miss me and you feel your life is over but it isn’t. There is work for you to do and I will help you do it. Your dear, sweet mother needs your help and your young sister will need your strength and guidance as she grows up. Your friends look up to you and many of the boys at the Boys Club will go astray without you. Please return home now and forget your grief and anger. You are needed and I want you to carry on helping as you always have and to do it in memory of me. And one day we will be together again, never fear.”

She drew him close at that and as they held each other so tenderly I felt like an intruder. With that feeling the scene faded and I was again looking out at sea from the sandy beach. However, I was a different person. No longer was I depressed, sad and troubled for I knew what I had seen was true. I knew there was a message there for me and inside was convinced that what I had been privileged to witness had actually happened and it changed me forever. Life had a new meaning now and I sensed that by allowing ourselves to stand in the shoes of another, we see ourselves more clearly.

Was it a daydream? I wonder?