Dealing with Loss

Written by a father after the death of his son who was called Olen

SAY OLEN

The time of concern is over.
No longer am I asked how my wife is doing.
Never is the name of our son mentioned to me.
A curtain descends.
The moment has passed.
A light slips from frequent recall.

There are exceptions;
Close and compassionate friends,
Sensitive and loving family.
For most, the drama is over.
The spotlight is off.
Applause is silent.
But for me the play will never end.
The effects on me are timeless.
Say Olen for me.

On the stage of my life
He has been both lead and supporting actor.
Do not tiptoe around the greatest event in my life.
Love does not die.

His name is written on my life.
The sound of his voice replays within my mind.
You say his is dead.
I say he is of the dead and he lives.
His ghost walks my soul,
Beckoning me in future weloome
You say he was my son.
I say he is.
Say Olen for me and say Olen again.

It hurts to bury his memory in silence . . .
What he was in flesh lies buried miles away.
What he is in spirit stirs within me always.
He is of my past but he is part of my now.
He is my hope for the future.

You say not to remind me.
How little you understand,
I cannot forget.
I would not if I could.

I understand you, but feel pain in being forced to do so.
I forgive you, because you cannot know
And I would forgive you anyway.
I accept how you see me,
But understand that you see me not at all.
I strive not to judge you,
For yesterday was like you.

I love you,
Will make no expectations towards you
But I wish you could understand that I dwell
In flesh and spirit
The mystery is that you do too but know it not.

I do not wish you to walk this road.
The way is steep and the burden heavy.
I walk it not by choice.
I would rather walk with him in flesh
Looking not to spirit roads beyond
I am what I have to be

What I have lost you cannot feel.
What I have gained you cannot see
And I would not have you.

Say Olen
For he is alive in me
He and I will meet again
Though in many ways we have not parted
He and his life play light songs in my mind,
Sun rises and sun sets on my dreams.
He is real and shadow, was and is.
Say Olen to me and say Olen again.

He is my son and I love him as I always did.
Say Olen.