En Rapport

Being human is an art. It involves learning to live with our fellow men; a necessity when the world is so closely knit together in outer ways, and so woefully divided in human relationships.

Is it not time that we tackled that old fashioned habit of thought, summed up in the word ‘foreign’. We still speak in terms of ‘foreign policy’ to express the attitude of one state towards another. We may not actually use the word, but all the same, ‘foreign’ also sums up the instinctive attitude of many of us towards anything and anyone outside our limited sphere of self-interest.

The concept of ‘foreignness’ is as old as the race; it is the offspring of that primeval fear of the unknown, the negative miasma of ignorance that peopled the forests and deserts with malevolent forces, demons and the like! Although we have come a long, long way on the road that leads to Life, many of us are still hesitant in some self-made position between the primitive and the human. Although physical caves are no longer our home, in much of our emotional life, we persist as psychic cavemen, fearful, suspicious, self-protective.

The fellowship that cancels ‘foreignness’ can only come in proportion to our mastery of this fear. Often we rob ourselves of the art of learning to be en rapport with the nature and needs of a fellow creature.

A Carrying Wave

En rapport - a ‘foreign’ phrase, which the dictionary translates as ‘in touch’, implies communication or relationship. To become en rapport means to establish a ‘carrying-wave,’ which is the basis of human interaction. The lack of it produces that separateness, insulation from the circuit of Life, which is the cause of most of our troubles.

We engage in intimate relationships in an attempt to fulfil ourselves and to deepen experience through sharing it. But these most intimate of relationships are often doomed to fail through lack of an ‘en rapport carrying-wave’.

The same is true of many of our other attempts at association. Our social contacts are mostly matters of surface convention. Our personal relationships are more influenced by likes and dislikes than any attempt at mutual understanding.

Thinking Again

We may ask ourselves: ‘Do we know how to become en rapport with anyone or anything?’ Surely there is a secret, indeed a science that can enable us to tune-in to another? It is not just one of the graces we may be lucky enough to inherit, or a natural inclination of the race of man, but a capacity we earn through practising the art of thinking again. As soon as we start to train ourselves to look at a situation apart from our person, we set our brain exploring, rather than succumb to emotional reacting.

For instance, when we say ‘I dislike him or her’, it is our feelings that are reacting, so our opinion of the other person is superficial and mostly related to ourselves. Human sympathy does not enter into such an attitude. Friendship can triumph over ‘foreignness’, but to achieve friendship we need sympathetic discernment which transcends that which is merely emotional.

It often needs both patience and penetration to create a human ‘carrying-wave’ with a stranger. Why not apply this in a very simple way in terms of the old saying: ‘Put yourself in his/her place’? This is not an appeal for sentimental kindliness or patronising charity; there is a science behind it. It is a challenge for intelligence and imagination to go out beyond the confines of self-defence to contact another through their need. If someone we meet does not give off the cheerful ‘hi there, good to see you!’ vibrations which make us feel self-pleased, we will not indulge in an unfriendly reaction, but at least attempt to ‘feel with them’ - the actual meaning of the word ‘sympathy’. Then we shall probably find the object of our dislike may be lonely, depressed, unfulfilled or suffering from some physical ailment.

Often it is only through another’s need that we can make a genuine human connection, and when we go out in sympathy to that need, we can establish a vital circuit. Then we shall be able to achieve that miracle of mercy - ‘put yourself in his place’, and share the rewarding reality of human fellowship.

Ian Fearn

© New Renasence Trust (Registered Charity No 256640)